Make your Relationship Better

1. How about turning your cell phone off for 2 hours after getting home and turning it back on after for a limited time to just check on anything of importance. This really goes a long way. It is not easy, apparently, for many couples to change this bad habit, but the ones who do, find it very worthwhile.

2. Surprisingly, many people just don't think about their relationships. They think about their jobs, kids, but relationships go on the sidelines. More thinking should go into how to make it more intimate, fun and satisfying. What part of it needs most attention? What to do about it?

3. Be available and accessible to your partner. Having TIME, is the most precious commodity. That includes turning off phones, TV and other distractions. I don't mean to be a broken record, but this comes up over and over again in the sessions with me. People come home and stare at their phones or TV. They eat dinner in front of a TV and they don't talk.

4. Of course one obvious problem is when one of the partners has his/her heart elsewhere. But short of that, when there is a palpable anger and resentment which is quite rigid and escalates quickly in a discussion, there is a need for professional help.

5. Think about your sexual relationship. If there is no sex and one person or both want to do something about it, couples therapy with a therapist who is also a sex therapist is in order. When therapy starts, it is critical to do assignments, read books recommended by the therapist, etc. A relationship can not survive without a sexual connection over a long period of time.

6. One bad advice is that sometimes things just get better with time. Another is that if you are fighting, you are not a good match. Also, the idea of a soul mate. Most of us are not soul mates, but we find a way to love each other and make it work.

7. Some say that a good relationship is effortless. Unless you are an unusually well suited and compatible couple, all relationships especially after a long time, require effort.

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